After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
