you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
