Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
