Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
