My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
