here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
