like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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