I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
