You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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