I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
