i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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