I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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