On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
