can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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