I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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