that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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