Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i think im in europe. pls send help
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
