Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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