grandma shit on top of the toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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