my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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