Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
