I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
