My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
