i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
