connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
