i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
