Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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