Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
