True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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