just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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