i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
