Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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