I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
