Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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