it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
