So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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