Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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