Cold hands, warm shart.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
