having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
