Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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