I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
