Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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