office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
