So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
