I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
