And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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