3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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