Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
