Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
third nipple confirmed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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