It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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