Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
