I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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