I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
