My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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