I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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