i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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