he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
