So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
