Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
