apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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