Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
