I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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