I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
