just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
