Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
