it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
