I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
