Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I forget how to act sober
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
