6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish you could order shots online.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
