Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
