let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
