It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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