Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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