I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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