There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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