I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
