i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
