Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
