I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
