I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
