Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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