hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
