i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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