So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
