Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
