Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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